Phew

This is what happened today morning.
I was introduced to a guy (he was more of an Ape-ish looking uncle...as though he had excess bone growth!) by a common acquaintance. This new guy came to me and said, "I am told u had gone at UK to study. If you are OK, I want to ask few questions." (Note the wierd English). I told him I had no problems answering his questions. Once the questions started, I knew I had made a big mistake! Our conversation went as follows:
['AU' stands for ape-ish uncle. And everything in italics is what I say in my mind.]
*****
AU: How is everybody there?
M: (umm...what a question!! Are u referring to the Queen's pets or the sweeper who cleaned my apartment weekly?) Umm...is this relating to the universities or living or working? (I get no answer to this question.)
AU: I will get job? I have work permit of Saudi. So I can work in London?
M: (Do you really think you are allowed to work in the UK with a Saudi work permit??!!) I cannot say if you will get a job there. And definitely not during these times!!
AU: I can ask for work permit?
M: (May be he means apply for work permit) If a company interviews and selects you, then its the company's responsibility to get a work permit for you. Nobody can apply individually for a work permit as one applies for a visa.
AU: OK. But I will get good job?
M: (Right!! Now he is not happy with just a job. He wants a 'good' job.) I am sorry, but I really can say nothing about getting jobs.
AU: I also want favour. (Do you have no self respect??) My cousin is also there. He has hard problems with money. There is no bank account and he has cheque. So if you have known friends there, he can stay with them...(WHAT DOES THAT BLOODY MEAN???)
M: I think the International Students' Association at your cousin's University will be able to help better.
AU: Where is International Students' Association?
M: At your cousin's University!
AU: My cousin is not in University, he is in college. (OMG OMG OMG Help me !! HELP !!!)
M: (talking VERY SLOWLY and PATIENTLY) You see, there is a "department" in all colleges and universities to help and support international students. So may be your cousin can go to this department and they will help him!
AU: OK. 6 months before, I talked to a man called Mr. *** and he sent me letter about admission. In letter, he had wrote the start date of course and money to paid. Now last week again I talked with him and he is not there. Nodoby is there for long?
M: (NOBODY IS THERE FOR LONG ??? All humans are mortal, if thats what you mean!! And isn't there a possibility that he may have got a better job?!) Umm...he may have changed his job!! (What is the whole point of asking me this question anyway????)
AU: OK. Last week, there was another man (There you go....so there IS somebody else to answer your questions!!) He again send me same letter, only with date refreshed.
M: (Refreshed???) OK. So whats the problem?
AU: In letter he says to pay full amount. What if I have no admission and I waste money?
M: No University will ask for full payment of tution fees! Read the letter again. It must be 'processing fees for application'.
AU: OK. Processing fees for admission?
M: APPLICATION. (But let it be admission if it pleases you!)
AU: OK. What cost it will take to travel 2 hours there by road?
M: (Complete silence. I was literally stunned!) Umm...sorry?
AU: My cousin is 2 hours away by road from my University. I can say him to go and see the problem.
M: Ohhhh.....(I suddenly felt enlightened like the Buddha) I see....Well...I cannot say how much it will cost you. It depends on how far you need to travel and whether you travel by train or coach.
AU: My cousin stays 2 hours from University. Not very far. So it will take how much money?
M: (Poor guy was trying to put everything in simple words. Speed = Distance/Time. Where does cost feature in this?) I cannot say anything about the travelling costs. Really I cannot.
AU: (Still being stubborn) But you must have travel here and there for 2 hours?
M: (Trying not to laugh because it never occured to me to travel 'here and there' aimlessly for just 2 hours so that somebody 3 years later could have the benefit of my aimless wanderings!) Travelling costs don't depend upon the travelling time, well, at least not directly. If you reserve a seat well in advance, you can get it at half the price! Or you may even need to pay twice the amount.
AU: In Saudi, (You are not in Saudi!!) there is 1.5 km. Everywhere travelling will be same cost. Travelling rises 1.5 km, then money rises. (By this time I had serious doubts about his clearing his IELTS) So in London (note: Its London now. Not UK) how much money is needed?
M: (Very patiently again) I think the fares for train and coach must be determined in a different way in the UK. (Hello...of course!!)
AU: All travelling is based upon the cost of oil and petrol. So if you tell me, I can imagine cost.
M: I did not have a car when I was studying there. So I have no clue what was the oil and petrol cost 3 years back.
AU: May be you read paper. Paper always has all costs.
M: (F*** off !!! You expect me to remember fuel prices ??? I wonder if an Arab oil sheikh remembers them!!) NO.
*****
Phew....That was how my day started! And ended with me typing the conversation and re-living it! :)

Random Thoughts

I need to pen down my thoughts regularly if I have to do some serious blogging. Or else why waste cyber space?
Can cyber space be really wasted? The amount of data uploaded (or should it be 'scattered' since it is space?) online is un-imaginable. So where does this new space come from?
Talking about space, why do scientists look for life in the outer space? Isn't it a complete waste of time considering the situation we are now facing on Earth? True, I am not going to live long enough to experience the 100% melt-down of all the ice on the North and South poles, and true I don't care much about future generations when I yet have to achieve so many things in life, but I still feel that dealing with the situation at hand will be beneficial than looking for life or suitable living conditions for Homo sapien sapien in outer space!
"मैत्रेयी" "ऋचा" "आदिती" Look ताई, my devnagri fonts are working !! So happy :) Let me write ससा for you :)